The Transgender Military Ban, or How I Came to Embrace Being an Ally

It’s past time to welcome, no, invite, transgender patriots to serve in our armed forces. The military would do well in this complex world to seek out the kind of lived experience and courage that trans people bring. In the last few days, I’ve been disheartened and silent as I tumbled down some of the MAGA-Twitter rabbit holes that’ve popped up in response to the ban.

 

Just because you are different doesn’t mean you are always useful. The democrats can’t continue to use the Armed Forces as a breeding ground for whackos with an agenda.

— Jethro In Texas (@in_jethro) January 23, 2019

If you never served in the Military you would never understand. But the reason Transgenders are not capable of being in the Military is because they won’t know where to dig a cat hole and use the restroom.

— KingKentucky99 (@KKentucky99) January 23, 2019

 

These quasi-anonymous attacks on trans people as confused ‘whackos’ make me shudder with rage, mostly because I can’t reach through the monitor and punch Jethro in the face. Some of my anger, though, I reserve for myself, because I see in these tweets my own attitudes from younger days. In cliched fashion, I didn’t use to speak up, because I was not trans.

 

My first interaction with an out transgender person, to my lasting shame, was not positive. It was during a cautious, fragile period, both in my life, and in the social evolution of this country. I’d like to think in the last 25 years (hell, the last FIVE years), we’ve grown beyond such fragility, but as the above quotes indicate, we’re not there yet.

 

I met Robin while I was a student at Cornell University. Coming out gay at Cornell was about as easy as the experience could be in the early 90s; there was so much support from the GLB [precursor to LGBT] community and allies alike that within a couple months, I could comfortably bring my whole self to class and to the dorm. I joined a women’s group called Lesbian-Bi-Questioning women (LBQ for short, or Let’s Be Queer for fun). One night, our circle included a “transexual” woman from town, Robin, who identified as a lesbian. Conversation shut down. She tried a few more times to make space for herself in our discussion, but we were unwilling to concede the space to someone we didn’t consider “one of us”. We openly discriminated against her gender identity.

 

The GLB community as a whole, and I individually, were still woefully uneducated about the intersectionality of gender identity, gender presentation, and sexuality. My community got woke long before I did, as evidenced by the conscious refashioning of GLB into LGBT. The T was an inclusion that I had difficulty assimilating, (see “exclusionary treatment of trans woman”, above). So I educated myself. I didn’t seek out trans people to demand they educate me – I read books and listened to podcasts, where I heard the voices of trans people telling their stories of self-discovery and self-acceptance. They were so much like mine. Through that education, I learned to respect the struggle of trans folks trying to justify their own humanity to the rest of us.

 

The humanity of trans people needs no justification. These are our sons, daughters, sisters, and brothers. How can we justify preventing our family member or neighbor from serving this country in the military? The proposed policy is cruel, discriminatory, and above all, undermines unit readiness. Trans folks who “may require ‘substantial’ medical treatment (quotes mine), including medications and surgery — are disqualified from military service except under certain limited circumstances.” Essentially, “You can serve your country, as long as you don’t ask us to cover medically necessary treatment during your transition.” So Corporal Cataldi can take Klonopin while deployed, but Sergeant Smith can’t receive his hormone therapy.  Active-duty soldiers, sailors, and marines will be discharged, compromising the integrity and preparedness of the unit.

 

When anti-trans news like this breaks, I often think about Robin: how much did our mistrust and animosity hinder her journey? Was she able to fully realize her life as a gay trans woman? I can’t change what I did 20+ years ago. But I’ll be damned if I don’t learn from my misdeeds and speak out for the rights of trans folks to live and serve as their true selves.